Breathing

I feel like I have had to do a lot of breathing the past few weeks. Sometimes it's conscious breathing simply to stay alive (yes it has been that kind of week), sometimes it's a breath to keep me sane, other times it a breath of prayer, the breath of praise, a breath to worship.

I have been thinking a lot about breathing especially as I have had the joy of sitting beside my Father's bedside as He nears what may possibly be one of his last breaths on this side of heaven. Sometimes they are heavy, sometimes they are so light that it makes me wonder if the breath is still even there.

I have been breath praying my heart to the Lord who is my breath, the very air that I breathe. I think about Him as the breath sustain-er, the breath giver and the breath taker.

There is a peace that is about me as I think of my Dad going to spend eternity with our Lord sooner than later, as the Lord wills, that really does go beyond my understanding. There is a joy that is un-explainable that fills me, comforts me and makes me smile as I think about My Daddy and My Father. There is also an overwhelming sadness that penetrates into the deeper part of my heart. It is at such a deep level that I can't even touch it. It is unreachable except by the comforter of my soul. Only the one who says He is close to the brokenhearted can truly understand this explosive mix of Joy, peace and sorrow that I feel all at the same time within my soul.

I am looking forward to flying back, Lord willing, to see my Dad again next week. My Dad who professed this day to my brother "The Lord will come and take care of me", the man who said to me a few days ago "Stay near to the Lord", the man who taught me what it means to forgive, to love, and to be called a redeemed child of God. I can't wait to crawl back up on his lap and kiss him all over.

I can't wait to breathe, to inhale and to exhale.