Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Follow Up

I got to spend the day with an awesome friend who was able to give me her honest opinion when I asked her if she had read my blog about the concert and if it made any sense to her. She very kindly shared with me some of the confusion she had in reading it which explains to me why some may have misinterpreted what I was trying to convey. So in a nut shell (a big one), here goes.

The concert was absolutely awesome, God is great and it was such an honor and a blessing to be able to share the music and be ministered to. I can't wait to do it all again. Coming off of a night like that can sometimes leave one emotionally and physically tired and there is a bit of a down that follows.

God's greatness and mercy is so many times too much for me to even comprehend and I am so completely humbled by the fact that He loves us so. It is humbling to know that He uses people like us to do his work.

So, instead of taking the last post down, I choose to hopefully clarify that I am in an awesome place of praise, amazed by Him, grateful for His mercy and humbled by His love.

God is so good and He walks with us through the ups and downs of this crazy roller coaster life.

God's peace!

Monday, May 18, 2009

A Concert of Worship

I was hoping to write about what a fantastic concert I had the other night, how wonderful the music was, how amazing the two other musicians that I worked with are and what a blessing it was to have all those people come out and support us and worship with us, because it was all of that and more. But, I find myself here today leveled out emotionally after a roller coaster weekend and just about capable of communicating my heart.

I come to this day, Monday, with a full heart in awe of what God has done, is doing and has yet to do in and through His people. I come off of this weekend filled with the joy and wonder, the hunger and thirst, the fear and love of this amazing God. Even though I was singing in the concert, I came out of the the evening having been ministered to in such an awesome way. Nathan's music, his heart for the Lord and His testimony has the ability to tap into the deepest part of people's hearts and remind me of God's word, His promises and the fact that there is nothing that I can do to earn his love. His love is so great, so deep, so vast beyond all measure and I am amazed that He loves me so.

It is that amazement, that awe, that wonderful knowledge that was felt so deep in my heart that sent this bi-polar servant of the Lord into a plummeting tailspin. It was out of that same grand amazement of His love for me that reminded me that I am so unworthy of it all, so deeply unworthy of His grace and mercy. To the same great extent of His love, so goes the same great extent of my failures and unworthiness.

I guess, only my husband can truly explain what this looks like in me. He is the one who witnesses the irrational thought process, the sadness, the tears, the fear and self unworthiness. I praise God that I have a husband that recognizes when I am under spiritual attack and calls it for what it is and then prays over me, loves me and walks along side me. I love that when we call on His name, He answers. I love that when things are dark, we can go to Him and He will rescue us. I love that my husband can sing to me the words that I sing to others as a prayer to the Lord. I love the fact that when I can't quite get myself to even want to, that the Lord commands my soul to worship Him. I love the fact that I have a husband who reminds me of it all, when I am too blinded by depression to see it.

So here I am today, after going on a three day roller coaster ride, back in a place of praise, worship and admiration of our great God. YES! It was an amazing concert and I can't wait to do it all again. God is so amazing, He thinks I amazing, He thinks we are all amazing as we are covered by the blood of Jesus. I know that I don't deserve it, but His grace and mercy just abound and there's no stopping it. I praise him for it.
"There is nothing I can do
There is nothing that I can do
To earn Your love, it's a gift from Your Son, nothing"
-Nathan Fisher-

Saturday, May 9, 2009

It's What the Lord Has Done In Me

Last night I had the awesome opportunity to sing one of my original songs at the NID Convention. This convention is held every three years and is a call to all Lutheran Pastors, called teachers and lay representatives of all the Lutheran Churches in Northern Illinois. A little intimidating, yes. . . .Thrilling, yes. . . .Humbling-INDEED!

Honestly, nerves did not hit me until yesterday, the day at hand. During sound check and warming up, my nerves were fine. The service came and we worshipped. I sang my heart out in preparation for what God would have me do. I sang my heart out in honor of Him, to worship Him and worship Him hard. He is so worthy of all that I have in my heart, in my mind and all my strength and so I give it to Him, all of it!

Then came time for me to sing. I walked up to the stage confidently with my Pastor and his daughter. I took my place. I stood there and listened to the gentle strum of the guitar and to the reading of the 23rd Psalm. I was comforted by the words that she read so sweetly. While I stood there listening, I could also hear and feel the not so gentle pounding of my heart, ba-bum. . . Ba-Bum. . . BA-BUM! I wasn't sure if anyone else could hear it. It was so loud. They got me. . . my nerves were at full throttle. "God, this is for You" my heart said. "May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you. . . . . " my spirit continued to pray.
My mouth opened and out came the song that I had written so long ago. Out came words of comfort smoothly and effortlessly. Out came God's spirit through His word. "Lord open my lips and my mouth shall declare Your praise!" God is faithful. For His purposes, He is faithful.

I can't even remember how many people came up to me after and shook my hand, told me how they were moved by the song, told me thank you. So many, too many. Too many to think that I had anything to do with it. That is His spirit. So while I stood there thanking people back for their kind words, feeling the glow of knowing that I did a fine, fine job. I couldn't help but be overcome with a great sense of humility.

Under the same umbrella of praise, I felt a great sense of unworthiness. I am humbled by the mere fact that God would place me, Mia, in front of all those people to minister to them. Me, little 'ol me. I will not dismiss the fact that God has blessed me to do His bidding. I accept the gifts He has given. I will not hide them instead, I will use them to glorify His Name and tell of His mighty works. But still, I am amazed and humbled that He chose to use me.

So today, a day after an amazing evening, I walk with my head hanging a little lower, not in shame, but simply resting in the shadow of his glory that shines so bright. I hang my head a little lower today not because I'm sad, but because I am so thankful for what the Lord has done in me. My head hangs low because I am so humbled by a God that loves me so much and died for me while I was still a sinner and so undeserving. I walk today with my head a little lower, my heart much fuller and my eyes fixed on Him.

Thank you Lord for entrusting me with this awesome message.