Why God? Seriously, Why?

My husband writes a weekly Blog post for his school. I love reading them and sometimes sharing them, but today, his message had me in tears. Maybe because it stirred up so much of the loss that I have felt in my life, maybe because I'm coming off a day of a lot of Why's maybe because it's just what the Lord wanted me to hear. 

So maybe God wants to share this with you to. Be blessed.

Guest blogger, my husband and best friend, Bob Koehne - Executive Principal at Valley Lutheran High School, Phoenix, AZ

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Why God? Seriously, why? I sometimes don’t understand. This past week I heard about the death of a young Lutheran school teacher. He left behind a wife and four young children and it just made me think, Why God? As I thought about it I reflected back on other times in my life I have asked this question. A former student of mine was a soldier and was serving in Afghanistan when he was killed by a bomb. A former basketball player I coached was shot and killed by a gang member. A boy I coached in basketball camps, and who was a friend of my son Aaron, went on a mission trip just before his junior year of high school. While on the trip he was on a boat on Lake Superior when a storm came up and he was thrown overboard and drowned.

Why God?

Then this past Sunday was All Saints Day. A day where we get a chance to reflect back on all the saints who have gone on to heaven before us. As I walked into church I had this question of “Why God” on my mind. When I left I had the same question but for a different reason.

Why God? Why do you love us so much that you were willing to sacrifice your Son so we can be with you? Why God, when I am so unworthy to be called your child, do you call me just that, a redeemed Child of God? Why God, when I ask “why” are you so patient with me and love me just the same? You are our Father and we don’t always understand your ways, just as on earth children often don’t understand the ways of their parents. Unlike on earth, however, you are a perfect Father.

Maybe I am the only one who thinks this way. But if you are like me and at times say, “Why God,” I encourage you to pray and remember he answers the question. He answers the question with a simple “I am God, I love you, and no matter the circumstances I always will.” ~ Bob Koehne

One of Those Days...

Today is one of those days where I just want to throw in the towel and just cry. Spending the last few days on Customer Service lines, then running into the physical store, just to run back home to get back on the phone so that I can run back to the store to straighten out a bill. A bill which customer service and the store can't even seem to agree on.....You know those days...

All I know is I am being way over charged. Yet, in all of it, all I can seem to do is take a deep breath, ask God to allow me to be patient, courteous, wise, gentle of heart and loving. Breath in His grace and then breath out His grace moment after moment when inside, all I really want to do is scream.

When my husband called a little bit ago to ask me how my day was going and I began to vent, I suddenly stopped and thought, it's no big deal. It was at that moment when perspective hit me. In the big picture this is such a minor thing. Really, if this is this biggest trouble of my day....not so bad, huh?

But in all things, God gives me an opportunity to show grace, patience and kindness even when things have me on my last nerve.

Maybe today is a big deal......a big deal when I have an opportunity to show love to others even when I don't get my own way (says the youngest of seven kids.)

#Grace

I'll show you!!

I remember my first visit to Haiti in 2009. I was with a dedicated group of missionaries who already loved the country and it's people. Little did I know at the time that I would leave pieces of my heart there which would call me back and call me to prayer for all those that I met.

On our way to church that first week, I was informed that it was customary to give an offering. Well, the offering was someone sharing a word or song and I was "volunteered" to be the offering. I was nervous, I was scared. I didn't know why. Maybe the feeling of being completely overwhelmed by all I had seen over the past few days, being in a culture that was so different from mine, singing in what was to the people of Haiti, a foreign language to a people I did not know.....the fact was I was just plain terrified.

The trip to the church found me praying relentlessly for God to take my fear away. Out of nowhere, I spotted a truck and painted on it was this... JER 1:17. I knew that it was for me. So, when I arrived at the church I read the passage and this is what God had for me.

“Get yourself ready! Stand up and say to them whatever I command you. Do not be terrified by them, or I will terrify you before them." Jeremiah 1:17

Being a quite rebellious person by nature, God knows what I need to hear and how I need to hear it. I needed to be told..."DON'T BE SCARED OR I'LL SHOW YOU SCARED!"

I got the picture and God did what He always does through obedience. He used me for His glory.

Maybe you grew up in a family or with a parent (or maybe it's you) that used this line. "Don't cry or I'll give you a reason to cry!" Not saying it's the best line, but maybe, just maybe it's a bit biblical? The great thing is that God says it with perfect love SO THAT we will do the good thing that He commands us to do. He goes on to say that as we stand and speak without fear that He has made us strong, that the enemy will fight us, but NOT overcome us BECAUSE God will rescue us. 

Now that is comfort to me. Comfort and encouragement to not be afraid (or else) knowing that God has my back. If He is for me who is against, tell me, WHO?....... NO ONE & NOTHING!!

So, my friends, today, I say to you (and me)......

“Get yourself ready! Stand up and say to them whatever I command you. Do not be terrified by them, or I will terrify you before them. 18 Today I have made you a fortified city, an iron pillar and a bronze wall to stand against the whole land—against the kings of Judah, its officials, its priests and the people of the land. 19 They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the Lord. Jeremiah 1:17-9

There's Poop in my pants & I like it ... sometimes

There's Poop in my pants... and I like it... sometimes.
How ridiculous is that? Very! But sadly, in my life, sometimes it's true.

Today, as I was in Bible study with a small group of women, a question, in regards to child-like faith, was asked.

"As we become older, we become more self-sufficient. In what ways can you become more "infant-like or more dependent on God?"- Priscilla Schirer

As I thought about my dependence and my desire to be less self-sufficient and more God-dependent, I envisioned God chiseling me away, molding me, changing me into something that looks less like me and more like Him. But, being chiseled hurts. Being molded and changed is hard, especially for people like me with control issues (I'm working on that.)

My reality is that sometimes, like a toddler, I want to stay the way I am, I don't want to go through the effort and the struggle to be less like me.

Picture the difference between a newborn and a toddler. When a newborn has a poopy diaper they lay there and allow you to change them, to take the mess away and make them new and fresh.....fast forward a couple years and that same child that has a poopy diaper is now busy playing blocks and would rather not be bothered with a diaper change. The stench doesn't bother that toddler and they are totally fine sitting in their own mess.

That's how I feel at times and when I look at it like that it seems pretty ridiculous. Here's the thing, If I stay in the messy condition I am in, unwilling to be changed, not only do I develop a rash (which could be a lack of joy, peace, hard heart....) I actually start to stink up the room. My stubbornness not only affects me, but those around me and they think I smell (figuratively...well maybe sometimes literally.) The odor of stubbornness, lack of forgiveness and pity is enough to literally make one smell really funky!!

I don't know about you, but I don't want to walk around with stank in my pants. My prayer is that I would be like a baby, desiring to be changed, desiring to be made new.

"Lord, help me, mold me, change me and help me to be willing to let you. Amen!"

We're Not Gonna Take it!!!

out·wit

outˈwit/

deceive or defeat by greater ingenuity.

I love definitions because they break down meanings for me and help me understand more clearly. As I was reading the Word today, I came to this passage in 2 Corinthians 2:10-11

"Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ, so that we would not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs."

Outwit-to deceive or defeat by greater ingenuity.

How are we deceived? When we don't forgive! It's that simple, it's that ingenious, it's just that clever of Satan and his ignorant designs to defeat us simply by our inability to FORGIVE.

We hear of the importance of forgiveness all the time. Many of us have the same reasons why we don't...."It will take time....I'm just not ready...Some things just can't be forgiven..." Well, here is the reality, as we sit in unforgiveness...taking our time to release others of their wrongs to us, Satan sits their standing over us in our defeat, deceiving us into thinking it's OK to take our time, whispering things like "you have been so hurt, not many would be able to forgive such a wrong" or he might even say..."when your ready, no hurry, there is always tomorrow."

In that, we have have been deceived. We have been outwitted. Make no mistake UN-FORGIVENESS is serious.

Just imagine if we prayed to the Lord "Forgive us our trespasses (the ones that aren't to big) in time and when you are ready if it's not too hard for you, maybe tomorrow or whenever is fine, just as we sometimes forgive others, but sometimes not because we have been wronged too deeply, and lead us not into temptation......"

THAT, my friends is the way the deceiver would like us to pray, BUT just as Paul said to the Corinthians as they were struggling "I also forgive.....SO THAT we would not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs."

Notice that the single act of one person forgiving does not just affect one person, but the body. Paul forgave so that "WE" would not be outwitted. Let's battle the sin of our own individual unforgiveness because it affects the body...it is like a cancer. When we forgive, the body of Christ begins to heal and stand.

Friends, Do not be ignorant of the schemes of satan. Release those who have done you wrong, forgive as God has forgiven you..TODAY.

Unforgivness is serious, it is that place where satan takes us out at the knees and leaves us immobile. It is one of His most ingenious designs. 

Stand, friends! Stand against the schemes of satan and if you are holding onto Un-forgiveness, stand in the strength of our Lord Jesus Christ and ask Him to give you the strength to forgive SO THAT you, so that WE will not remain outwitted, but that you will outwit the devil and stand on the Rock, the one who has forgiven you so much SO THAT you can forgive others.

I love you in the Lord, brothers and sisters. Stand, my friends, STAND!

United we stand, divided and Outwitted we fall! The victory has been won, lets stand in it!

So along with the Comedian Kerri Pomarolli whose family sings the song "We're Not Gonna Take it, No we ain't gonna take it, We're not gonna take it anymore!" I sing right along!  Or we can listen to Matthew West. Either one, but sometimes I just gotta scream it out...depending on the day, depending on the battle!

Does She Look like Me?

Growing up in a family that understood the definition of family was a beautiful thing. I remember standing before a judge at the age of 12 and telling him that I wanted Joan and Paul Grotelueschen to be my parents. I wanted to be adopted by my Mom & Dad. They were my parents and they had been for the last 12 years. The Grotelueschen kids were my brothers and sisters. That was real. I didn't even need a piece of paper to tell me that, but you know, paperwork is good!

I didn't look like anyone in my family and that was ok, I didn't even know what it was like to look like someone. I was clearly adopted and stood out like a sore thumb and that was just fine. We knew what family was. My sister was blond haired and blue eyed and my other sister was adopted from Hong Kong. We were sisters. My brothers were great looking white guys, strong and athletic, who loved their little sister. We weren't your traditional family, especially in the 60's and 70's, but we were family and still are!

I'm assuming you know which one is me. I was still (technically) a foster child at this point.

Mia-Mom-Kit San

Back to that little girl.... honestly, there was always something inside me that a wondered.... "Is there anyone out there that looks like me?" Well, one day when I was 16, I got the answer to that question when I sought out my biological family, located them and took a train and bus to the south side of Chicago to meet them. It was actually kind of weird. Here, before me, were people who shared my blood line, black people, like me. I felt a bit out of place. It was all so surreal that I didn't even stop to take a mental picture and ask do we look alike?

Well, that was years ago. And here I am, now in my 40's, posing a question which at the end of the day, doesn't matter, yet, I still feel like asking. A question which now doesn't define who I am, because I know who I am, where I belong and whose arms I am wrapped in. I know what family is, I know what unconditional love is. I know these things, but today, it's just kind of fun looking at my sister, Nita, who grew up so close, yet so far away from me, with a different family, in a different environment, and a different Mom, yet a Mom who gave birth to me too, who gave me life and sacrificed so that I could stand before a judge one day and say I want Mr. & Mrs. G to be my Mom & Dad. That's pretty awesome.

So, tell me....Do I look like my sister?

Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone, yet, still miraculously my own. 

Never forget for a single minute, you didn't grow under my heart, but IN it.

-Author Unknown

Weeping For Joy

"And all the people shouted with a great shout when they praised the Lord, because the foundation of the house of the Lord was laid. But many of the priests and Levites and heads of fathers' houses, old men who had seen the first house, wept with a loud voice when they saw the foundation of this house being laid, though many shouted aloud for joy, so that the people could not distinguish the sound of the joyful shout from the sound of the people's weeping, for the people shouted with a great shout, and the sound was heard far away." Ezra 3:11-13

I read this passage this morning and so many thoughts flooded my mind. What a beautiful picture of the body of Christ. The old men who had seen the glorious temple in all it's splendor in the days of King Solomon looked at the humble foundation of this days temple and wept because they knew what had been and at the same time rejoiced in what was to come..... the new had come.

Those who had not seen the temple of the past rejoiced at the rebuilding and the newness of it all brought such joy that they SHOUTED (and I mean really shouted) to the Lord... "And they sang responsively, praising and giving thanks to the Lord, 'For he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever toward Israel.' ” Ezra 3: 11

I have had times where I saw what had been and wept and at the same time I saw what was to be and I rejoiced. After my sister died, leaving behind four amazingly beautiful daughters and the worlds best husband and father, he remarried. I remember sitting at the wedding and shedding tears for what could have been if my glorious sister were still alive....her girls someday getting married, graduating, my sister being a grandmother...but none of that was going to be. I shed tears because I knew what had been taken away, YET, at the same time, I rejoiced at what was to come.

Here standing before my eyes was a man with his four daughters committing to love another women, to take her as his wife and to embark on something new and because of that I rejoiced. Because of the Love of God in their lives, because God is sovereign, because I know that God is good, I could rest in joy and know that what was to come would be beautiful. Because of that, I have a new sister, whom I love because God first loved us.

You see, my weeping of what could have been was wrapped up in the joy of what was to come. My shouts of joy covered and held close the tears like a mother holding a weeping child to her chest.

Sometimes we weep, sometimes we mourn, sometimes we rejoice, sometimes all at once and sometimes in part. But, sometimes the joy comes in the mourning and sometimes joy really does not come until the morning.

So whether you are weeping right now for what could have been, know that joy will come. And if you are one that is standing in joy, may your joy encompass those around you, may you be a rock for them in their sadness and may your joy carry them through the mourning and into the light of a new day.

Shout for Joy all you people, Shout for Joy!! Salvation has come!!

"For he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever!"