Currently I am in Colorado Springs, CO. There are times when I go to CR when the Lord really brings to light a stronghold in my life in a more powerful way than other times. Tonight was one of those nights.
Through a questions posed to meby someone sharing their testimony, to me thinking back on a time when I felt so betrayed and not wanting to let it go, to my current struggles with trust and anxiety, God revealed a place in my heart that is holding me back.
What I realized tonight was simple. I tend to use the excuse that I am an introvert (which is completely true) to cover up the fact that I try to isolate myself from large groups of people because of the anxiety and panic that it brings and therefore isolate myself from fellowship.
If you have ever seen me in public, you might be saying to yourself "You don't seem to struggle in large groups of people, you go onstage in front of hundreds and thousands of people at a time, You're so talkative and social......The thought of large crowds gives you panic attacks? Social anxiety? You? Never!"
The reality is, "Yes, me." But, the greater reality is that my God is bigger than my fears, bigger than my struggles, bigger than my anxiety. I Celebrate recovery from so much yet I continue to struggle with trust and anxiety, but even though I struggle, I still celebrate victories in these area daily.
Like tonight, as I sat in a circle with a group of strangers in an open share group and shared about my week.....even though I got in the room a little early and rearranged the seats a bit so I wasn't so closed in...it was a victory. The little steps of opening myself up to others regularly so that I don't isolate myself is crucial in my walk with the Lord and the people he sets before me and it is crucial in my relationship with Jesus Christ.
The other week, a women read my display banner at my merch table where is said "Mia Koehne..reflecting the painful beauty of human struggles....." After that she said to me "Mia, you are so pretty, what do you know about struggles?" to which I replied with a testimony and a sharing of my currents struggles. Too pretty? Ha!! Struggles, sin, pain and heartache do not care what we look like on the outside. Too pretty? let me tell you a story...
We all struggle, we all have pain....some of us admit it, some of us hide it and hide it well....some of us walk in the joy of the Lord, so they may be harder to see, but we all have it and we all need to surrender it at the foot of the cross.
This is why I love going to a place where it is safe, where people don't judge me and I learn to not judge others. I love Celebrate Recovery and what it has done in my life and the lives of so many that I have come to love!!
If you have a hurt, a habit or a hang-up, don't hide anymore, reach out. Maybe Celebrate Recovery is the place for you...check it out. www.celebraterecovery.com There is probably one near you!
Here's that banner that I put on display when I do concerts and events.
"...reflecting the painful beauty of human struggles and a passion to worship a God who saves"
Thanks for sharing.... Was moved by your comment around "learning not to judge" in that circle if sharing. I began to learn that lesson, in that same place myself, a year ago.... I slip often, but still working it..... Thanks...ReplyDelete
Yep, learning!! It's so easy and dangerous to judge.Delete
Standing beside each other, listening, hugging, encouraging, holding each other, believing for each other -- like Aaron holding up Moses' arms during a battle. Seems to be the way to live = community. And always remembering Jesus' words: "I am with you always!!" HUGS for you, Mia!ReplyDelete
Thanks Lois. So awesome to hang with you today!!Delete
I love Celebrate recovery too, I recently moved from phoenix to Sahuarita, az and can't find a CR in Sahuarita or Green valley if you or anybody knows of one in my area please share. Thanks so much! KristenReplyDelete
Dear Anonymous, I do not know of any in that immediate area. Closest thing I can see is Tucson...If I hear of something i will reply again. Blessings, MiaDelete